Show not tell
We have been learning to use detailed descriptions in our writing. This week we have been trying to show our audience things rather than telling them. Here are some of our practice activities so that you can see how differently one sentence can be written when we get creative.
It was
cold.
The snow drifted down onto the white covered land. - Toby
The rain poured down onto the ground. - Josie
The puddles froze and turned into ice. - Ryan
The man, wrapped up in a woolly jacket, shivered in the
wind. - Alyssa
The grass was frosted over like a big white blanket. - Toby
The frost sat, all slippery, on the ground. - Josie
The frost turned into a big icy waterfall. - Lanie
The snow sparkled like a diamond. - Arnika
The man’s teeth were chattering so hard that you couldn’t
see them. - Bryce
It was freezing and snow was everywhere. - William
The man, covered in 5 woolly jerseys, froze into an iceberg.
- Alyssa
Icicles hung from the trees. - Anna
The raindrops turned into icicles. - Samara
It was
windy.
The umbrella flew past in the blizzard. - Alesana
The strong winds ripped the trees out of the ground. -
Oakley
It was so strong that it ripped the tree and it flew away. -
William
The trees rattled and the leaves fell to the ground. - Lanie
The washing is blowing off the line. - Isla
The tree tops were falling down. - Charlotte
The leaves crackled in the trees. - Anna
The trees were blowing around and the girl’s hair was
everywhere. – Te Aroha
The trees were shaking and it was blowing me away. –
Deija-Lee
The washing blew across the ground and leaves flew in the
air as people were running to find shelter. - Samara
The wheelie-bin was blown over and litter was clogging the
gutter. - Toby
Howling winds whistled through the forest. - Bryce
It was so windy that it was like a tornado. – Arnika
Leaves were flying from side to side. - Josie
The dancing rubbish flew through the air like leaves. - Ryan
The wind goes everywhere like a whirl wind. - Imogen
The newspaper flew out of the man’s hands and into the top
of tree in the neighbour’s house. - Alyssa
The trees were blowing so hard that all the trees were bare.
- Regan
The door creaked and swayed from side to side. - Toby
The runner
was sweaty.
The runner’s top was stuck to him. - Aaron
The runner was dripping wet from his shirt. – Te Aroha
The runner was so hot he was dripping. - Isla
The runner was dripping like rain. - Anna
The runner was hailing with water. - Alesana
The runner was dripping like raindrops from the sky. - Bryce
The runner was drenched in sweat from head to toe. - Samara
The runner was smelly and hot, with a sticky face. -
Charlotte
The runner just got home from the biggest run ever. She was
as wet as a pool. - Lanie
The runner was red like un-cooked meat. - Ryan
The runner was wet all over him like he had poured water all
over him. - Imogen
The runner was red all around the face. It looked like he
was crying from his head. - Josie
The runner was sweating. He was so hot that he was going to
melt. - William
It looked like the runner had tipped a whole bottle of water
all over him. - Alyssa
His face was red like a tomato. – Deija-Lee
The runner was as sweaty as a wet dog. - Regan
The runner’s legs were heavier than weights. His throat was
as dry as the sun. His waist was thick with stitch and his brain was asleep. –
Toby
It is muddy.
The puddles were a thick brown gloopy bog. – Mrs May
I could feel something squelching at my feet. – Alyssa
When I have my boots on I go outside and I see lots of brown
gooshy stuff on the ground. – Lanie
I was walking across the paddock and my gumboot got stuck. –
Charlotte
The puddles were a brown glowing colour. – Josie
When I stepped in the mud I hear a squish. – William
I see mud puddles. – William
The puddles slowly turned into a big bog hole. – Ryan
The ground is covered in mud. – Aaron
The puddles are as brown as a chocolate bar and the puddles
have brown chocolate lumps in the puddles. – Regan
Squelch. My bright red gumboots turn into a thick brown
gloopy bog. – Toby
The puddles are a brown blur and thick and mooshy. – Imogen
As the gumboots went splat through the thick brown, soggy
rain puddles. – Alesana
There was brown goo all over the place. – Anna
As I walked across the yard I could hear a squelching noise
under my gumboots. – Samara.
Muck puddles were everywhere. – Bryce
It is hot.
The sun is beaming. – Anna
The bath was burning like the Sahara desert. – Samara
Ice-cream is dripping all over the ground and people are
under the shade. – Josie
The plants are dead, the grass was brown and everyone got
sun-burnt. – Te Aroha
It is sunny and I am sweating. – Deija-Lee
The trampoline is steaming because the sun is pointing at
it. My bare feet were so hot that I have to jump up and down. - William
My friend got shot.
Samara fell to the ground with blood coming out quickly. –
Charlotte
My friend got soaking wet from my water gun. – Oakley
I got my friend with a splash of water from my water pistol.
– Imogen
My friend got shot with my big shot gun. – Aaron
My friend got hit with a tomato. The juice was all around
his face. – Regan
Bang! It was World War 2. A bullet came straight for my
friend. It hit…… - Toby
I am hungry.
I scream to my mum “I need food!” So she gets some ice-cream
out and I eat it all. - Lanie
There are rats.
My mum hears rattling and she screams like she got the
fright of her life. – Ryan
“Argh!” cries Mum as a tiny black animal scoots around the
room. - Bryce
Mum yells and scream like an ant seeing an elephant. -
Alesana
I am scared.
My heart is beating so hard that it is going to poke out run
away. – Arnika
I jumped out the window and screamed while hiding behind the
dog. – Alyssa