Show not tell - descriptive writing

Show not tell

We have been learning to use detailed descriptions in our writing. This week we have been trying to show our audience things rather than telling them. Here are some of our practice activities so that you can see how differently one sentence can be written when we get creative.

It was cold.

The snow drifted down onto the white covered land. - Toby

The rain poured down onto the ground. - Josie

The puddles froze and turned into ice. - Ryan

The man, wrapped up in a woolly jacket, shivered in the wind. - Alyssa

The grass was frosted over like a big white blanket. - Toby

The frost sat, all slippery, on the ground. - Josie

The frost turned into a big icy waterfall. - Lanie

The snow sparkled like a diamond. - Arnika

The man’s teeth were chattering so hard that you couldn’t see them. - Bryce

It was freezing and snow was everywhere. - William

The man, covered in 5 woolly jerseys, froze into an iceberg. - Alyssa

Icicles hung from the trees. - Anna

The raindrops turned into icicles. - Samara

It was windy.

The umbrella flew past in the blizzard. - Alesana

The strong winds ripped the trees out of the ground. - Oakley

It was so strong that it ripped the tree and it flew away. - William

The trees rattled and the leaves fell to the ground. - Lanie

The washing is blowing off the line. - Isla

The tree tops were falling down. - Charlotte

The leaves crackled in the trees. - Anna

The trees were blowing around and the girl’s hair was everywhere. – Te Aroha

The trees were shaking and it was blowing me away. – Deija-Lee

The washing blew across the ground and leaves flew in the air as people were running to find shelter. - Samara

The wheelie-bin was blown over and litter was clogging the gutter. - Toby

Howling winds whistled through the forest. - Bryce

It was so windy that it was like a tornado. – Arnika

Leaves were flying from side to side. - Josie

The dancing rubbish flew through the air like leaves. - Ryan

The wind goes everywhere like a whirl wind. - Imogen

The newspaper flew out of the man’s hands and into the top of tree in the neighbour’s house. - Alyssa

The trees were blowing so hard that all the trees were bare. - Regan

The door creaked and swayed from side to side. - Toby

The runner was sweaty.

The runner’s top was stuck to him. - Aaron

The runner was dripping wet from his shirt. – Te Aroha

The runner was so hot he was dripping. - Isla

The runner was dripping like rain. - Anna

The runner was hailing with water. - Alesana

The runner was dripping like raindrops from the sky. - Bryce

The runner was drenched in sweat from head to toe. - Samara

The runner was smelly and hot, with a sticky face. - Charlotte

The runner just got home from the biggest run ever. She was as wet as a pool. - Lanie

The runner was red like un-cooked meat. - Ryan

The runner was wet all over him like he had poured water all over him. - Imogen

The runner was red all around the face. It looked like he was crying from his head. - Josie

The runner was sweating. He was so hot that he was going to melt. - William

It looked like the runner had tipped a whole bottle of water all over him. - Alyssa

His face was red like a tomato. – Deija-Lee

The runner was as sweaty as a wet dog. - Regan

The runner’s legs were heavier than weights. His throat was as dry as the sun. His waist was thick with stitch and his brain was asleep. – Toby

It is muddy.

The puddles were a thick brown gloopy bog. – Mrs May

I could feel something squelching at my feet. – Alyssa

When I have my boots on I go outside and I see lots of brown gooshy stuff on the ground. – Lanie

I was walking across the paddock and my gumboot got stuck. – Charlotte

The puddles were a brown glowing colour. – Josie

When I stepped in the mud I hear a squish. – William

I see mud puddles. – William

The puddles slowly turned into a big bog hole. – Ryan

The ground is covered in mud. – Aaron

The puddles are as brown as a chocolate bar and the puddles have brown chocolate lumps in the puddles. – Regan

Squelch. My bright red gumboots turn into a thick brown gloopy bog. – Toby

The puddles are a brown blur and thick and mooshy. – Imogen

As the gumboots went splat through the thick brown, soggy rain puddles. – Alesana

There was brown goo all over the place. – Anna

As I walked across the yard I could hear a squelching noise under my gumboots. – Samara.

Muck puddles were everywhere. – Bryce

It is hot.

The sun is beaming. – Anna

The bath was burning like the Sahara desert. – Samara

Ice-cream is dripping all over the ground and people are under the shade. – Josie

The plants are dead, the grass was brown and everyone got sun-burnt. – Te Aroha

It is sunny and I am sweating. – Deija-Lee

The trampoline is steaming because the sun is pointing at it. My bare feet were so hot that I have to jump up and down. - William

My friend got shot.

Samara fell to the ground with blood coming out quickly. – Charlotte

My friend got soaking wet from my water gun. – Oakley

I got my friend with a splash of water from my water pistol. – Imogen

My friend got shot with my big shot gun. – Aaron

My friend got hit with a tomato. The juice was all around his face. – Regan

Bang! It was World War 2. A bullet came straight for my friend. It hit…… - Toby

I am hungry.

I scream to my mum “I need food!” So she gets some ice-cream out and I eat it all. - Lanie

There are rats.

My mum hears rattling and she screams like she got the fright of her life. – Ryan

“Argh!” cries Mum as a tiny black animal scoots around the room. - Bryce

Mum yells and scream like an ant seeing an elephant. - Alesana

I am scared.

My heart is beating so hard that it is going to poke out run away. – Arnika

I jumped out the window and screamed while hiding behind the dog. – Alyssa